Flying Under The Radar

Sometimes flying under the radar is good. Sometimes flying under the radar is bad. It really depends on the outlook you have as well as the situation.

I'll be the first to admit that I like being under, for the most part. I like just doing my own things and being able to have time to myself.
However, I'm also the first to admit when I like someone, I just want to scream "LOOK AT ME" and have them pay all the attention in the world to me.

Now, this might seem selfish, but I haven't really heard of a person who doesn't want that one person to notice them. It might be more of a girl thing, maybe more of an emotional person thing, whatever it may be, it will suck.

I can't say no one wants to be that annoying person just begging for 'the one' to look at them, because some people just love to be the center of attention. Let's face it, we've all been there at least one point in time. I have to admit as well that even though I love my alone time, but sometimes there is that one. One person that makes you just want to sit and spend every moment with them because they just make you so happy.

It sucks when you realize that you're falling for this person. Then you realize you really don't know them. You're so in love with the idea of them. Your mind races of the future and what could be. I'm not sure about guys, but I know girls do this. (at least my friends). You at least stop and think "Could I marry him?" or "Can I see myself with him for a long time?". For me, at least, I'm at the point where I don't want to date to just date. To me that's boring and pointless. I know one day I do want to get married; therefore, anyone I date...I'm really just dating them to see if I want to marry them. It's a weird thought. I should also put that just because I feel this way, doesn't mean if I date you I want to marry you. No. I need to know that I can really stand you. That I like the way you snore. That I like the way you cook. I like how you shower in the morning and hate showering at night. I have to be able to poop in the same house as you, I have to know where you want to live in the future. There's a lot that goes into it. I'm not saying there's not. HOWEVER, I still keep all these things in the back of my mind when dating someone.

With all of that being said. I wanted this post to be about flying under the radar when you're in the talking/dating period with someone. Life gets in the way, that's bound to happen. It's important to keep in mind that things will happen. What tells the good from the bad is that when things get rocky they still want to work through things. They want a better tomorrow, with you. It's a wonderful and strange feeling. At least for me, it's not one that I'm use to. However; when I look back at this post I'll laugh. I'll either be flying high or flying a new path. Either way, no one with fly at one pace or height. Just keep your head up and one day you'll lift yourself up enough that you won't even realize how high you're flying. It'll just be okay. Sometimes that's the best thing ever.

For The Love of The Game

*If you don't know some of these terms for roller derby, all you have to do is read some of my older post and it will all be explained in there.*

Part of me missing roller derby. There. I said it. It's been two weeks and I already feel so out of the loop. My wave (remember what a wave is guys?!) is taking their skills tests. Whoever passes will be able to fully play derby in full beast mode. Of course, people won't pass, and that will be cool, too. Its' really hard. It's seriously hours of hard core skating, showing off everything you just spent the last 18 weeks working on. They should be beyond proud of themselves. BEYOND. Anyone who is willing to join a contact sport, trains for 18 weeks, then puts it all on the line....awesome. Words can't describe how great it is to be have been able to watch everyone.

Then I think about if I want to get back up on skates. I've had far to much time to think about it and freak myself out of skating again. I need my new brace, as I keep saying, but bills bills bills. Let me tell you how great it is to be an adult.

I'm not sure how some people do it. I look at my sister. She works....holy poop does she work. She also has a six year old, a husband, pets, and she plays derby. I have no idea how she does it. I tell her that, too. Like seriously though. I don't understand people that can work, go to school, have a life...blah blah blah. It makes me feel so lazy inside!!!
However, through everything my sister broke her leg, was off skates for months and still found ways to go to practice and get back on skates and kick derby's butt.
There are many girls who break things and get back on skates and they are some people who never get hurt at all, just like any sport.

However, with that being the case...I wish I would get out of my head. I love NSOing, I feel like I'm good at it and I'm truly learning the game, which is awesome! Those knee taps though...they're holding me back from skating. I'm so scared I'll come down and never get back up. I'm scared that I'll roll my ankle again and this time it'll be even worse. After all, my ankle still bothers me. Poop.


Anyone else feel this way about things? I mean, it's just a love/hate relationship, but there's something about it. I know I shouldn't let fear stop me from doing something I want to, but then I love to NSO and that way I can still be around it, without having to actually skate.
I'm a baby.

Back to the start of this whole thing. Watching my wave come to an end it's almost surreal. I can't believe it's been 18 weeks and these people have come so far with skating and their skills. It's mind blowing and amazing. I'm just happy to be apart of the overall picture.

How Did It Get So Late So Soon?

“How did it get so late so soon? It's night before it's afternoon. December is here before it's June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?”

― Dr. Seuss

At the end of his life Theodore Geisel wrote this  quote and from my childhood I never understood it. Now listening to it again one can realize all of it's meaning. Yes, it was at the end of his life; however, it can be looked at through so many eyes, so many ways. Much like his other works, there is a strong message.

Life. It's ever changing.

People come and go, days fly by, then months, then years, next thing you know you're old and then you're wondering how it got so late so soon. 

I've never been on that wants to go out and party. I've never been one that takes a breath to live in the moment. I'm a planner and worrier. Honestly, there's nothing great about it. Plans get broken and worrying only drives a person mad. Why plan for one moment when there are so many that'll pass by every day. 

Don't sweat the small stuff. Easier said than done. 

I look at my past and a lot of the people in it. The people I trusted, the broken heart I melted back together, even the laughs and tears. 

I've noticed a lot of people lately saying they were done trying to be in someone else's life, when that other person puts in no effort. I've always said this. I've always tried this. What drives me crazy is I'm good at it. I'm good at going my own way and doing my own thing, but as soon as someone comes back from my past I'm so willing to let them back in. They could've betrayed me, I could've hurt them..it doesn't matter. They came back, I let them in. 

Blind faith. A lot of people have it. Mostly for religion. 

Not only does blind faith in general make no sense, what makes even less sense is my blind faith in people. Maybe it's a girl thing. Maybe it's a sensitive person thing. Maybe it's a me thing. I put my trust and faith into people I hardly know. I know getting to know someone is half the adventure and half the fun, but this is how my brain works.

I meet someone, they're amazing, I feel great. I start to get to know them more. I love being around them. I love the stupid jokes and how they're always on my mind. Slight fear. What if they don't like the person I am? What if they can't stand a habit I have? What if their friends don't like me? What if they're family doesn't like me? What if I don't like them? What if...what if...what if everything actually works? What if things are okay. Why do the what if's have to take over? Then the break up happens, or then you stop being friends. Then you look back, you realize things were good, things were truly okay. What then? Then you feel terrible about things. Did you do it? Was it your overthinking? Was it your nerves? Was it you? 

Stop. Legit, stop. 

That's what it was. It became to a point where things didn't matter. The fire from before had died down. You left things get to your head and before you know it[?]...it got so late...so soon. 

Don't let it become December before it's June. 

Sure, things don't always work and yes time will fly, but it doesn't mean you need to worry, panic, over think..no. 

When you find yourself saying the time as flewn and you're asking how it got so late so soon, I hope it's because you were having so much fun, because you didn't look at the time, because you were so wrapped up what you were doing, feeling wonderful, that when you finally sit down all you can do is smile and ask yourself how it got so late so soon.