Last year I was nervous or scared at all. I felt like I could move at the tip of a hat, no problem, live with random people and soak up the sun. I'm not sure why I'm really dreading it this time. If I get in..I have no idea what I'm going to do...that's all I can keep thinking about. It doesn't help that I'm way to big (too chubby by Disney standards) to really do anything. I'm the perfect height; however, which really sucks. I'm trying not to get down on myself. (Not really the Disney spirit). I have lost almost 30 pounds in the past year and I'm still working on losing another 30 this year. (That'd put me at 130 if you're really wondering).
I read a thing about how a lot of celebrities are 130-160(ish). Of course they're are some that are small and some that are bigger, but I look at them and wonder why I don't look that good! At least until I say anything about losing weight...then I feel like everyone loses their sh*t because they think I don't need to lose that much. I know I should take it as a compliment, but it doesn't help that I know how to dress. My sister teases me that I dress like a teacher a lot; however, I like clothes that hide the tummy. High waist-ed pants are my friend. Of course, then I don't have to worry about bending over and something showing....you know what I mean. I don't want to be THAT person...although no one really does.
My sister the other day admitted we look alike (we don't really, but when we're together there's no denying we're sisters). My sister has ALWAYS been the little skinny size 00 thing. I hated it. I was always the doubled chin, huge cheeks, chubby girl. I don't think she realized how that effected me. Of course it wasn't her job. However, the other day she said the more I lost weight and the more she gained (after a kid, work, and now roller derby she really isn't gaining weight...just filling out) that we looked more alike. It was nice for someone I look up to so much to tell me I'm losing weight. I feel like I've lost some then just hit a wall. Sure some people noticed, but I see a lot of the same people everyday and sometimes it's just nice to hear you look good.
My point to this is that although every day I feel better in my skin there will always be someone who looks better than me. On the other hand, as harsh as this will sound, there will always be someone who thinks I look better than them....who knows...I just might. We can't let someone tell us if we're pretty, if we're skinny enough, if we're
SO, as I get ready for this Disney audition I will smile my butt off. I will dance my little heart out and even if I get the first cut...no matter how upset or hurt I'll be. I'll be okay. I made it this far. I got the balls to even walk into that audition and that's all that matters. Some people won't even go because they're too much in their heads. I might not kill it, but I will try.
