Disney Auditions

Let's just start with saying I didn't make it past the first round. Simple as that.
I tried my hardest.
They say that just because you weren't asked to stay doesn't mean the road is over. For the DCP it doesn't matter....they could offer you another job in a different field, you just aren't going to be a character performer.
Part of me is okay with not having to wear a large fur costume in the hot sun....however, let's face it...everyone knows it's the dream of a life time.

I was crushed. I tried acting like it didn't bother me, but it did.

This is what happened...

We stood in line and got our numbers before signing in. We all went into one room then numbers 1-70 went into a separate room. We learned a dance quickly, very quickly. We did it four times, then four times while going across the room, then you did it again...this time only four at a time. That's when they made first cuts...that was it.
People who would really good dancers and people who were very much a look-a-like didn't get called back. There were some people who had been there more than once and have made it all the way to not making it past the first cut. It was a very odd audition.

I can't say that I'm not happy I did it. I am happy. I did it.
However, now I don't know what I'm suppose to do.

My sprained ankle is kind of putting a damper on my parade. I can't do derby and now...well now I'm still just sitting and waiting for Disney to tell me if they're offering a job (or role as they call it) for the DCP.

There is always more auditions, but after the way I feel today I'm not sure if I can handle another Disney audition.

I will tell you one thing...the people there are so nice. Many people come back and try again if they didn't make it the first time around. You start knowing people and remembering them and you get in contact with them and it's like a little family. Everyone was cheering for everyone, meeting everyone, smiling. It was a wonder place to be....even for that moment. I think that's why I'm so disappointed. I knew I would fit in if I got a chance.

I was told by someone there that at the very end of the audition they only have 15 people left....15. There was over a 100 people there. It's hard to believe how limited they are. It's understandable that they can only have so many jobs and so many people, but the massive amounts of people and you can be cut because you didn't smile enough or simply for the fact there was too many people for your height and you just didn't make it. Not to say that if you audition again it'll be the same. They could have only been looking for people who were 4'5-5'3 and if you're not in that...you're out. That's just part of the game.

My sister made a good point in how hot it would be while in fur. I'm not sure how much I would like that and everyone has to be fur. That's just the way it is.

Maybe I will audition again. It's hard to keep your chin up. They say when one door closes another one opens. Perhaps I am meant to stay here or for that matter...I'm just not meant to be a character performer.

Who knows? I might get a job offer down there that I take and it turns out to be the best time of my life. Thinking on it, being a character performer you have to be always up...being someone else. At least in any other job, I would still be able to be myself and at the end of the day I don't want to be anyone else.

Watching The Masses

Everyone compares themselves to other...everyone watches other people. Come on now. I know a lot of people who can even say that "people watching" is one of their favorite things to do.

Today in practice...that's what I got to do. I watched.

At first I was really excited for it. Watching everyone skating around the track and doing the basics was really helping me understand what we were really doing. I know what to watch for now and it makes it a lot easier to notice things.

However, even though we're not suppose to judge other people, it is hard. I'm watching some of these girls that can clearly skate better than I can and so, naturally, that causes me to get down on myself. Then I notice half of the girls are at my level. --staying up, hardly falling, just trying--

There were some tears today. They may have been tears before, but this was the first time I saw someone crying at practice. I felt her pain. I've been there already as well.

It's funny because we are all trying new things. I've noticed that even the girls who I thought were beyond amazing were stumbling and having a hard time on at least one thing.

I was pretty upset because today we...well they learned how to do 180 transitions and turn around toe stops. Pretty much the transition is turning in around by lifting your feet (at least your heals) off the ground. The turn around toe stop is the same thing, but you put your toe stop down after you turn in order to stop and change direction that you're going if need be. I've been all about it and I was pretty bummed I miss it.

The swelling in my ankle has gone down, but there's a chance I won't be able to finish this wave. Wave being the group of girls that's training at a time. For now I'm keeping my hopes high and if nothing else I'm going to start does NSO-ing. NSO being non-skating official. Pretty much....score keepers.

We will see what it's like after Tuesday. The big audition day.

Until then R.I.C.E. is my friend, and I will keep it up.

Anyone can do anything for 30 seconds. 
There is always one thing someone can't do. No one is perfect.

Roller Derby...the Pain.

I finally hurt myself.

I shouldn't say finally. I should say....I had my first real fall. Not only was it my first fall, but it was the first fall during practice to actually stop a practice. Now I'm worried I'm "that" girl. I had to get up and rest my ankle, sitting with ice on it for the last half hour of practice. This morning isn't much better. On the plus side, my sister was there and got my water bottle and some pain killer right away. It isn't swollen and they don't think it's much, just a pulled muscle. For a pulled muscle...this sucker hurts! (the next day up date at the bottom)

I'm worried about going back now. Not because I'll get hurt again. I'm worried if I can stand to be on skates for two hours while working muscles that don't like being worked.

We were doing knee taps. For anyone that doesn't know what knee taps are you go down, tap one knee on the ground and quickly get up again...all of this while still skating and moving forward. If you stop (which I did...a lot!) you're not doing it right.

Doing a relay, we skated, t-stop, skated, knee tap, skated, rock star, then skated back as fast as possible ending in a one knee slide to high five the next person in line. The first time around I was way better than I thought I would be and I was proud of myself. Then we had to go again. My t-stop was worse (which I suck at them anyways) then came the one knee tap. I went down, pushed on my toe to come back up and rolled my ankle. A large pop and that's all it took for me to curl in a ball on the floor. With my skate off I felt so much better and ready to get back up...until I got up. Shooting pain went into my calf until I started walking a bit more. Then I felt pretty good the rest of the night. The more I move today - the better it feels, but I'm so scared to push it.

I'm proud that I wanted to get up and finish practice. I'm proud that I walked it off as much as I could. I'm not so proud of how scared I am to go back to practice on Sunday. I can't walk without a limp...how am I suppose to go to practice?

Vocab Time:
T-stop: A way to stop skating. Place one foot behind the other forming a T. Gently squeeze with your butt and your thighs to pull your back foot close, making yourself stop and the "T".
Rock Star: A way to fall. Drag one toe letting yourself gently glide to one knee, then gently place your other knee down and slide like a rock star would!
One-knee Slide: A way to fall. Like the rock star, but you only put the one knee down and slide until you stop.


Update: It's been two days since I hurt my ankle and my sister is finally making me go to urgent care. I worked yesterday and I came home to rest...later that night my ankle bone was swollen. This morning it is still swollen and still hurts. It was going to happen. I have to go to urgent care. That also means...no skating Sunday. The plus side of that is I get to rest up for my audition on Tuesday for the DCP. Hopefully I will be well enough to dance...at least pull through for a while. Hopefully it'll be nothing, but a sprain, but until the pain goes away...I'm afraid no more skating for me.

Disney Auditions and Body Image.

The more I try to premare myself the more I'm just freaking myself out. I feel like I did the same thing for the phone interview. I read so many blogs and tip pages about what to do for it. (However, one tip was play Disney music softly in the background and that helped way more than I thought it would to calm my nerves.)

 Last year I was nervous or scared at all. I felt like I could move at the tip of a hat, no problem, live with random people and soak up the sun. I'm not sure why I'm really dreading it this time. If I get in..I have no idea what I'm going to do...that's all I can keep thinking about. It doesn't help that I'm way to big (too chubby by Disney standards) to really do anything. I'm the perfect height; however, which really sucks. I'm trying not to get down on myself. (Not really the Disney spirit). I have lost almost 30 pounds in the past year and I'm still working on losing another 30 this year. (That'd put me at 130 if you're really wondering).

 I read a thing about how a lot of celebrities are 130-160(ish). Of course they're are some that are small and some that are bigger, but I look at them and wonder why I don't look that good! At least until I say anything about losing weight...then I feel like everyone loses their sh*t because they think I don't need to lose that much. I know I should take it as a compliment, but it doesn't help that I know how to dress. My sister teases me that I dress like a teacher a lot; however, I like clothes that hide the tummy. High waist-ed pants are my friend. Of course, then I don't have to worry about bending over and something showing....you know what I mean. I don't want to be THAT person...although no one really does.

My sister the other day admitted we look alike (we don't really, but when we're together there's no denying we're sisters). My sister has ALWAYS been the little skinny size 00 thing. I hated it. I was always the doubled chin, huge cheeks, chubby girl. I don't think she realized how that effected me. Of course it wasn't her job. However, the other day she said the more I lost weight and the more she gained (after a kid, work, and now roller derby she really isn't gaining weight...just filling out) that we looked more alike. It was nice for someone I look up to so much to tell me I'm losing weight. I feel like I've lost some then just hit a wall. Sure some people noticed, but I see a lot of the same people everyday and sometimes it's just nice to hear you look good.

My point to this is that although every day I feel better in my skin there will always be someone who looks better than me. On the other hand, as harsh as this will sound, there will always be someone who thinks I look better than them....who knows...I just might. We can't let someone tell us if we're pretty, if we're skinny enough, if we're perfect. Newsflash no one is perfect. It doesn't matter what anyone else says, because they're not perfect.

SO, as I get ready for this Disney audition I will smile my butt off. I will dance my little heart out and even if I get the first cut...no matter how upset or hurt I'll be. I'll be okay. I made it this far. I got the balls to even walk into that audition and that's all that matters. Some people won't even go because they're too much in their heads. I might not kill it, but I will try.