Part Two: Just Talk It Out

"Some people without brains do an awful amount of talking"

-Scarecrow

Another thing I noticed, and that's true to myself, is that it's the people you care about that makes you realize things. That or, it's a least people you're around often and around enough to realize that they are making you see yourself differently, which isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes those people can be the ones you talk things out with. I've posted about telling my mom the bad things I was doing to myself and I didn't get the reaction I was looking for. I was wondering if this is common. Whenever I talk about how much I hate this part of me or that, I always get the same response..."shut up, you look great!" I'm guilty of telling people this myself I'm sure we all are. Buy why? If you're feeling terrible about something do you tell someone? Have you tried? Have you wanted to? What did you do to make yourself feel better? What can you do?

Person A:  ""You look great! Don't feel bad about yourself!" and "But you're skinny!" are typically things I hear. I've also had many roll their eyes my way, as I let on about my insecurities

It's an obsession that's nearly impossible to break, constantly thinking about how your body fits into your clothes, and if other people notice things you try so hard to hide. I still can't help but feel as though everyone is always looking at me, whenever I wear a new outfit, or a pair of jeans that fits a little tighter.
I don't want people to tell me I look great and that I shouldn't be ashamed of what I look like. I DON'T, and someone guilting me into thinking I don't have a reason to doesn't make me feel better."

Person B: "I always tease myself for being big my whole life, if when i was the perfect size 13 in the 9th grade. I have had girls tease me for looking like a lesbian. Because i was bigger and never wore girly clothing. Didn't know how to wear makeup."

Person C: "Yeah...I get a lot of "you're tiny, you're crazy" when I've gained 15 pounds and went up a pant size....to me it's traumatic. I haven't been this heavy and wide since puberty. "

Person D: "[...]through out the years I reached out to my so called friends but none understood. My family didn't grasp what I was going through either. They just told me to loose weight and not to focus on the body I was in at the time. I really believe that it was only till I got to college that I felt understood. Going into theatre where there tends to be loud insecurities and a lack of self-confidence for most people, people could relate. They helped me gain confidence, and taught me to love the skin I was in again."

Person E:  "I have talked to some people, mostly significant others. They are supportive and try to help me see myself in a better light. If I talk to my friends, I am very factual and indifferent. I focus on what happened (usually a body shaming story) but not how I feel."

Person F: "I love talking about it. When I was younger I wasn't allowed to say how I felt because if I showed confidence, someone brought me down, or if I wore something I liked, I was told it's something I shouldn't wear. I wore a uniform and was told by the other girls I needed to start shaving my legs, I was fat, my skirt was too long, my clothes were wrinkled.

I never told my family about my issues at school because I had to be strong, I wasn't allowed to cry in front of my brothers or my mom. My mom used to always tell me I had to be strong, and crying was weak. (When I grew up more I realized this was due to my mom's issues. She married verbally abusive/controlling men and her father was even worse.) Plus there were so many other kids and I felt like my brother wasn't strong enough so I hid everything and was strong for him.

I also didn't talk to my friends about my issues. I wanted them to like me and every time I exposed an insecurity, most of my "friends" used it against me. I did not develop many close friends as a child because of this. As an adult, I like to talk about issues and insecurities. It helps rationalize and when I show my weaknesses it allows others to show theirs. I guess that kid never changed, and I just want everyone to be open and discuss issues with me. It is very freeing and I want others to feel better. I pride myself in being someone easy to talk to and confide in. I will be what I can be for others, but they need to tell me, I don't like assumptions, because it leads to misunderstanding."

 Person G: "Some said a phrase, some blew it off, some really cared and understood."

Person H: "I guess I kind of covered the first part about my mom. That and the anger at my unstable health would be something I could only work out in therapy. Lots of therapy. It was just mixed up with other issues and needed to be untangled together.

The social crowd I have been in for most of my adult life is made up of mostly guys. And the few girls and I all started out from this place of 'we're not girly, no one taught me how to do makeup and I don't need it anyway, here's my t-shirt and jeans, take it or leave it'. Since then it's evolved into a place where we all dabble in clothing and makeup. We care about how we look and know there's a time and place for it. I think we all had to get to a place for it. I think we all had to get to a place where we shed judgement. Including how we felt about our own selves. You can bet your ass that a lot of that for me came from the home environment I was raised in, with a fair dose of "fuck you and your established norms, I DO WHAT I WANT"."

Person I: “My entire life I have been thin. I have only weighed over 100lbs once—and that was because my boyfriend had me drink water until I hit 100 – I don’t know why I am so thin. But at the same time I have my inclinations. I think I am afraid. I am at a pretty constant weight ranging from 93-96lbs. The doctor is not concerned with my weight, since I eat fairly healthy and my tests come back normal. I have only every had one doctor tell me I need to exercise more.”

So great, we can talk about feelings, or try to for some. For some it helps and for some it doesn't. However, like most people will tell you...only you can change you. Easier said than done...no doubt what that. It took me a long time to finally get to the point where I was happy, at least for the most part. I have days, just like today, sweat pants, junk food, feeling bad about whatever is happening. I think it's healthy.