Planting Flowers

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and cleaning a soul. And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open with the grace of a women, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build all our roads on today because tomorrow's ground is to uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down mid-flight. After awhile you learn...that even sunshine burns if you get to much. So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure...that you really are strong and you really do have worth...and you learn and lean..with everything good-bye you learn."

--Jeorge Luis Borges "You Learn"

"You can't have confidence with out competent"

--Mathew Hussey "This Brilliant Line Got Me To Call" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BefTJPuBrs&feature=youtu.be

**I do recommend watching that video if you have time. I found it very interesting on his point of view about things he speaks about**

Life, as we all know, will throw curve balls as many times as possible; however, this is what I've noticed. Life throws you as many curve balls as you let it. They will always happen and that's something you cannot stop. What you can stop if the way to you take that curve ball. It won't happen over night. It takes a long time to get out of your head and to just relax. Relaxing is something that I can never do. I've never been good at just taking the day and going off and relaxing. Sure, I can say I did it, but even after a relaxing day I will still be in my head thinking about everything I need to worry about for tomorrow. I've always been one that wears my heart out of my sleeve and because of that I have been hurt. I've been hurt as in simply being bullied all the way up to being completely heart broken. (I mean, gross, crying, snot running, heart broken). I know for a fact that I put myself in situations where I'm setting myself up to be hurt. For example, in relationships I always say I'm going to move slow, then I get caught up in the feeling. The feeling of being wanted, the feeling of the butterflies and the nerves, then getting to know the person, realizing everything you have in common with that person. Of course, the planning of what the future may bring. It's all very exciting and scary all at the same time. Then it happens. The other person realizes just how fast it is all moving and the drop it on you. It's no one's fault. People should be open and honest with each other when they're in a relationship. However, for me it takes more than a few weeks, even a few months to realize that things are moving at the scary fast pace. 

Then again, not all break up can be bad. Sometimes you stop talking to a friend because they're a bad influence on you. Sometimes you know you just don't want to hang out with that group, whoever they are. All of that is perfectly fine. People will always come and go from your life. 

I read a post that was talking about the moment you realize you finally let go and it was beautiful. 

"It's funny how it can hit you, like a ton of bricks, so sudden. Maybe it's a certain smell, or a phrase you heard a long time ago that can bring back a memory, a lifetime. [...] The way he looked at me, how he played with my hair, held my hand when he walked me home, the slightest pressure of his lips touching mine, his secure embrace, breathing in his cologne, how his eyes glowed in the night, how he said "I love you." Sometimes we would just sit next to each other not uttering a sound and I'd just feel this overwhelming feeling of safety. [...] Early this year he came back into my life for the last time. I was so dumbfounded, I couldn't wrap my head around the idea of after all of this time he still felt the same way. All of these emotions bubbled up but the end result was me saying it didn't work the first time for a reason. I loved him and he loved me, but we didn't love ourselves. [..] A huge chunk of my life, yet it was only for a moment."

Of course it is all summed up for this post, but there is still a strong and wonderful message behind it all. These life changing events that happen to us only last a moment. The people, the stories, the events, it all could have lasted weeks, months, years and it was just a moment. Whatever left the impact on your heart was a moment in time. It's just about mind blowing to think how fast it takes to fall in love. For me, I can fall in love within days, within moments of talking to someone. It doesn't have to be the love where you want to marry them and spend forever with them; however, you could find something you love about someone. I love their humor, I love their smile, I love the way they get that silly face when they're thinking about something, I love their laugh, I love that they're them. Perhaps it's a fault of my own that I try to see good in everyone, try to be there, try to help them and support them throughout anything. I've been like that for as long as I can remember. Whenever I am going through something I hate talking about it, I hate putting myself out there and admitting that I'm hurt. I shut people out and just give advice instead. 

Even with all of this, falling in love to easy and fast, finding good in person, everything that someone might see as good can be terrible. Even then, it only takes a moment to have positive feelings towards someone;however, once those feelings are there it can take forever to go away. Forever for trust to go, forever for the love to fully go away.

Then again, for someone people it goes away so quickly. Once it's away it takes forever for it to come back. Someone from the past hurt you, someone from the past made all of that hurt happen and now for everyone in the future, you're still stuck on the moment, the moment it happened. 

So what can we do? We plant our own flowers. We water them. We grow them. We have to give them the rain and the sunshine if we want them to grow. It won't happen over night, it'll take time, care, understanding and love....patience. You might not always know what you're doing, you might make mistakes, but the flowers will understand. The flowers will still support you.